Favorite 'Snip-ets'

Correction: ALL POLITICIANS!

TWO LOST SOULS

After losing his parents, this 3 year old orangutan was so depressed he wouldn't eat and didn't respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness.

The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orangutan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment center. The dog arrived at the same time the orangutan was there being treated..

The 2 lost souls met and have been inseparable ever since.

The orangutan  found a new reason to live and each always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend.

They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities.

They live in Northern California where swimming is their favorite past time, although Roscoe (the orangutan) is a little afraid of the water and needs his friend's help to swim.



Together they have discovered the joy and laughter in life and the value of friendship. They have found more than a friendly shoulder to lean on.

Comedy Caught On A Cell Phone

My Personal Favorite!

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
Drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends!

A True Story from the State of Maine

Some 'good ole' boys' from Maine dressed the truck up with the dummy spread across the roof of the truck..
 
The driver and passengers put on Moose Heads.
Down the Maine Toll interstate they went causing about 16 accidents.  They went to jail.
 
(some cops have no sense of humor)

A Truism

This is so eloquent in its brevity while painting a perfect picture of the whole situation. Every member of Congress should have this emblazoned above the inside of their office door.

  "Witnessing the Republicans and the Democrats bicker over the U.S. Debt is like watching two drunks argue over a bar bill on the Titanic."  

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your a$$ is disconnected.

Women are angels,
but when someone breaks our wings,
we simply continue to fly on a broomstick.
We’re flexible like that.

***

Let's Rebuild America...One Purchase At A Time !

A  physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while  one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't slow a train very much, a  billion of them would. With that thought in mind, read the following, obviously written by a good American . . .


This  probably sounds crazy, but just  yesterday I was in Wal Mart looking  for a wastebasket. I found some made in  China for  $6.99. I didn't want to pay that much so I asked the lady if they had   any others. She took me to another department and they had some at $2.50  made in  USA . They are just as good. 

Same  as a kitchen rug I needed. I had to  look, but I found some made in the  USA and they were $3.00 cheaper.  We are being brain washed that everything that comes from  China and  Mexico is cheaper. Not  so.  That is also why I don't buy cards at Hallmark anymore. They are made  in  China and are expensive. I buy  them at Dollar Tree....50 cents each and made in  USA . 

Check  this out. I can verify this because I was in Lowe's the  other day for  some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose attachments...They were all made in China .  The  next day I was in Ace  Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They  were made in USA .

Start looking ... 

In  our current  economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even  their job. So, after reading, I  think this lady is on the right  track.. Let's get behind her! 

My  grandson likes Hershey's candy. I  noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I  do not buy it  any more.
My  favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico ...  Now I  have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on  everything...

Good  idea ... One light bulb at a time ...

This  past  weekend I was at Kroger . .. . I needed 60W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets.
  I  was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy  was an off-brand labeled, " Everyday Value." I picked up both types of bulbs  and compared the stats they were the same except for the price . . . The GE  bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value  brand but the thing that surprised  me the most was the fact that GE  was made in MEXICO and  the Everyday Value brand  was made in - get ready for this - the  USA in a company in  Cleveland , Ohio.

Throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here...

So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer  Sheets... Yep, you guessed it,  Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada ...  The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have  been  using for years and at almost half the price! 

My  challenge to you is to  start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the  USA - the job you save may be your own or your neighbors!

Americans! Start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies! (We  should have awakened a decade ago...)

Let's  get with the program and help our fellow Americans keep  their jobs and  create more jobs here in the USA .

Psalm 91:4

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. There is absolutely nothing to fear about tomorrow; for God is already there.

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman�s' leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . .
LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:?

A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

Happy Halloween

You've Been Mooned!

You Get Em' Granny!

To help save the economy, on January 2, 2012, Congress will announce that they will order the immigration department to start deporting old people, instead of illegals, in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.

Old people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home!  I started crying when I thought of you. 

See you on the bus!

_________________________

We Love Gramma!

At one point during a  game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old  baseball players  aside and  asked,
'Do you understand what cooperation is?   What a team is?'  The little boy nodded in the   affirmative.
 
'Do  you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a  team?'  The little boy nodded 'yes'. 
 
'So,'  the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you  shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a stupid-head,  butt head or moron.  Do you understand all that?'  The little  boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I  take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not  good sportsmanship to call your  coach "a dummy or idiot" is  it?' 
The  little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD',  said the  coach..
'Now  go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast,  the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

 
"That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly.  Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a
Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and
Cleaned our windows."

Signs of The Time:

On a plumber's truck: A flush is better than a full house.
In a Catholic Church: Litany Candles?
On a motel: Dew Drop Inn.
Over a display of batteries: Wanna start something?
On an antique shop: Remains to be seen.
With a display of leftover Christmas decorations: All that glitters was not sold.
At a tire store: Time to retire.
On a Southern street: No U-all turn.
On a music store: Gone Chopen. Bach in a minuet.

All you Need to Know about
Government Bureaucracy:

** Pythagorean theorem: ( Mathematical term ).............24 words.
** Lord's Prayer:  ....................................... ...................66 words.
** Archimedes' Principle:  ( Math   Principle)...................67 words.
** 10 Commandments:  ...............................................179 words.
** Gettysburg address:  ................................................286 words.
** Declaration of Independence :   .............................1,300 words.
** US Constitution with all 27 Amendments:  ..............7,818 words. 
** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage.....26,911 words.  

SORT OF PUTS THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE, DOESN'T IT? 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Truth About Dorothy

Today, if  Dorothy were to encounter Men  with no brains, no hearts,  and no courage  -

  She wouldn't be in Oz - 

She'd  be in Congress.

~ ~ ~ ~

There are a “Pride” of lions, a “Murder” of crows, a “School” of fish, an “Exaltation” of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a “Parliament” of owls.
 
Now consider the baboon.  It is one of the loudest, most dangerous and viciously aggressive of all primates on the planet.  And what is the proper designation-noun for a group of baboons?

A “Congress” .  

Windex Tip

I haven't checked ' snopes.com ' to see

if this actually works or not . . . But they say,

If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,
You should sniff some Windex first.
It'll keep you from streakin

The New Government Symbol

 
The government  today announced that it is changing its symbol from an Eagle to a  CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's  political stance....

A condom allows for inflation, halts  production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of weenies, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually  being screwed!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than  that! 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If you can answer this correctly, you can answer the question on what action to take on raising the Federal debt ceiling. 
 
  You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup and you have sewage up to your ceilings. 
 
  What do you do……raise the ceilings, or pump out the crxp? 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My Living Will 
 Last night my kids and i were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
 If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
 They got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.
 The little bastxxds.