Things Learned in the South

` A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
` There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
` There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no ones seen before.
` If it grows, itll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
` Onced and Twiced are words.
` It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
` Jaw-P? means Did yall go to the bathroom?
` People actually grow and eat okra.
` Fixinto is one word. It means Im fixing to do that.
` There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
` Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
` The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?
` You dont have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until youre done or its too dark to see.
` You dont PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
` No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer?
` You measure distance in minutes.
` You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
` All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
` You know what a DAWG is.
` You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
` You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.
` The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.
` You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
` You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.
` You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
` Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin or off to Wally World.
` You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
` Fried catfish is the other white meat.
` We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.